FEMININE LANGUAGE
And Women Speak
**FINE: This is the word we use at the end of any
argument that we feel we are right about but need
to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how
woman looks. This will cause you to have one of
those arguments.
**FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is
equivalent to the five minutes that your football
game is going to last before you take out the
trash, so it's an even trade.
**NOTHING: This means something and you should be
on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used
to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to
turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.
"Nothing" usually signifies an argument
that will last "Five Minutes" and end
with a huffy "Fine."
**GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows): This is a
dare, one that will result in my getting upset
over "Nothing" and will end with the
word "Fine."
**GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows): This means "I
give up" or "do what you want because I
don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow
"Go ahead" in just a few minutes,
followed by "Nothing" and
"Fine" and she will talk to you in
about "Five Minutes" when she cools
off.
**(LOUD SIGH): This is not actually a word, but
is still often a verbal statement very
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh"
means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment
and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here and arguing with you over
"Nothing."
**(SOFT SIGH): Again, not a word, but a verbal
statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the
few things that some men actually understand. She
is content. Your best bet is to not move or
breathe, and she will stay content.
**OH!: This exclamation, followed by any
statement, is trouble. Example: "Oh, let me
get that." Or, "Oh, I talked to him
about what you were doing last night." If
she says "Oh" before a statement, RUN,
do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell
you that she is "Fine" when she is done
tossing your clothes out the window, but do not
expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days.
"Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually
signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not
try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get
raised eyebrows and "Go ahead" followed
by acts so unspeakable that we can't bring
ourselves to write about them.
**THAT'S OK: This is one of the most dangerous
statements that a woman can say to a man.
"That's OK" means that she wants to
think long and hard before paying you
retributions for what ever it is that you have
done. "That's OK" is often used with
the word "Fine" and used in conjunction
with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At
some point in the near future when she has
plotted and planned, you are going to be in some
mighty big trouble.
**PLEASE DO: This is not a statement; it is an
offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come
up with whatever excuse or reason you have for
doing whatever it is that you have done. You have
a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful
and you shouldn't get a "That's OK."
**THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint;
just say, "You're welcome."
**THANKS A LOT: This is much different from
"Thanks." A woman will say,
"Thanks A LOT," when she is really
ticked off at you. It signifies that you have
hurt her in some callous way, and will be
followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful
not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud
Sigh," as she will only say
"Nothing."
**I hope this clears up any misunderstandings..
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